My answer was too worn and tattered to be of much comfort to either of us.
"I don't see that as exactly the problem".
Now the silence was mutual. She was peering over the edge, I knew.
We hit the canyon of the Malheur river with it's sweeping meanders. It felt good to be really driving again, pushing hard through the long turns.
My God, I thought. She hates long car trips anyway. If this drive doesn't end soon and this damn cloud doesn't get off our heads and the sun doesn't come out my marriage won't make it to West Yellowstone. And right now I'm stuck on BAD AIR river.
Consciously rushing, I braced myself and pushed the van through the curves at its limit. From her rolled up position next to me she had to extend arms and legs to catch herself.
"Will you slow down. You're making this very uncomfortable".
"I'm sorry. I'm just trying to shorten up this damn drive."
We hit the agricultural lands of the Snake, and crossing into Idaho, she suddenly started a whole new subject.
"Were you planning on fishing with me the whole week the way you usually do, staying with me the whole time, helping me with everything."
"Well, potentially, yes. That's always the way you've wanted it. You've never shown any interest in fishing alone.
And the fishing we've done so far on the Deschutes has been so difficult. But the rivers where we're going are totally different. They're shallow and open. It's much easier to physically cover the water. I thought at times we might drift apart and fish separately for awhile, especially if there's a hatch going on. But yes, I was planning on spending the whole week fishing with you if that's what you wanted."
"But then you won't get any time to fish by yourself. You won't be catching anything."
"Actually that's not true. Most of the fun is solving the puzzle. When we approach a stretch of water I have a guess as to where the fish will be and what they'll hit. I get the satisfaction of knowing whether I'm right no matter who casts the fly. I get even more satisfaction if it's you catching the fish."
At this point I was beginning to feel slightly positive about the conversation for the first time in hours. Because what I said was absolutely true.
